thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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