and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
