My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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