i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
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