dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
