He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
