Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
