plz talk dirty to me
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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