So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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