last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
