So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Mom said you looked used
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
