You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
