Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
