I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
