Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
