who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
