saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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