she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
