I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
