I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
