He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
