Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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