I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
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