I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
