You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
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