She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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