happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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