I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
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