the condom got lost in my hair
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
