You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
someone owes me an orgasm
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
