I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
