if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
