my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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