Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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