sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
He has the fingertips of a God
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