no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Randomize
