She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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