I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Randomize
