he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
