I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
