just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Randomize
