he looks like a really good dad on facebook
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
