ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Randomize
