he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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