How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
There was a lot of him and a little penis
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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