Well apparently he's into motor boating.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
