you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
