so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Randomize
