So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
