if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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